Bacon of the Bible II

There has been more response to the “replace a Bible word with ‘bacon’” post than to any of my recent philosophical posts. I’m not sure what that means, but I’m happy everyone’s having fun! (I promise we’ll get back to the serious stuff soon.)

To keep the ball rolling, here are a few more that I thought of or that were suggested to me by others. This time, each statement has a different word turned to ‘bacon,’ but I’ll leave it to your Biblical knowledge to figure out what the word is.

Here goes…

Genesis 1:3 — And God said, Let there be bacon: and there was bacon.

Matthew 15:4 — For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and bacon: and, He that curseth father or bacon, let him die the death.

Exodus 29:18 — And thou shalt burn the whole bacon upon the altar: it is a burnt offering unto the LORD: it is a sweet savour, an offering made by fire unto the LORD.

Luke 16:31 — And he said unto him, If they hear not Moses and the prophets, neither will they be persuaded, though bacon rose from the dead.

John 11:5 — Now Jesus loved Martha, and her sister, and bacon.

Matthew 21:19 — And when he saw a bacon tree in the way, he came to it, and found nothing thereon, but leaves only, and said unto it, Let no fruit grow on thee henceforward for ever. And presently the bacon tree withered away.

Deuteronomy 26:9 — And he hath brought us into this place, and hath given us this land, even a land that floweth with milk and bacon.

Matthew 27:46 — And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken bacon?

Deuteronomy 7:26 — Neither shalt thou bring an bacon into thine house, lest thou be a cursed thing like it: but thou shalt utterly detest it, and thou shalt utterly abhor it; for it is a cursed thing.

Leviticus 11:7 — And the swine, though he divide the hoof, and be clovenfooted, yet he cheweth not the cud; he is bacon to you.

Matthew 26:15 — And said unto them, What will ye give me, and I will deliver him unto you? And they covenanted with him for thirty pieces of bacon.

Posted on September 14, 2009 at 11:06 pm by ideclare · Permalink
In: Funny · Tagged with: 

8 Responses

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  1. Written by Nic
    on September 15, 2009 at 12:37 am
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    Where do you start on this site? with the tracts? or on topics? thanks!

  2. Written by Pete E
    on September 15, 2009 at 2:39 pm
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    thorns

    Matthew 13:7 – And some fell among bacon; and the bacon sprung up, and choked them:

    Mark 15:17 – And they clothed him with purple, and platted a crown of bacon, and put it about his head

  3. Written by wordinator
    on September 15, 2009 at 2:39 pm
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    Jonah 1:17
    Now the LORD had prepared a great fish to swallow up bacon. And bacon was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights.

  4. Written by Alexys
    on September 15, 2009 at 2:41 pm
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    wine

    1 Timothy 5:23
    Drink no longer water, but use a little bacon for thy stomach’s sake and thine often infirmities.

    Isaiah 63:2
    Wherefore art thou red in thine apparel, and thy garments like him that treadeth in the baconfat?

    John 2:3
    And when they wanted bacon, the mother of Jesus saith unto him, they have no bacon.

  5. Written by ideclare
    on September 15, 2009 at 2:44 pm
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    This one worked pretty well, so I thought I’d add it (what with bacon being the root of all evil and all).

    money -> bacon

    Ecclesiastes 10:19 — A feast is made for laughter, and wine maketh merry — but bacon answereth all things.

    Genesis 31:15 — Are we not considered strangers by him? For he has sold us, and also completely consumed our bacon.

    Exodus 22:25 — “If you lend bacon to any of My people who are poor among you, you shall not be like a baconlender to him; you shall not charge him interest.

    Leviticus 22:11:But if the priest buys a person with his bacon, he may eat it

    Matthew 17:27 — Nevertheless, lest we offend them, go to the sea, cast in a hook, and take the fish that comes up first. And when you have opened its mouth, you will find a piece of bacon; take that and give it to them for Me and you.”

    Luke 16:14 — Now the Pharisees, who were lovers of bacon, also heard all these things, and they derided Him.

    John 2:14 — And He found in the temple those who sold oxen and sheep and doves, and the bacon changers doing business.

    Acts 8:18 — And when Simon saw that through the laying on of the apostles’ hands the Holy Spirit was given, he offered them bacon,

  6. Written by anonymous
    on September 15, 2009 at 2:46 pm
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    Genesis 3:13: And the LORD God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?” The woman said, “The bacon deceived me, and I ate.”

  7. Written by Sis
    on September 16, 2009 at 10:06 pm
    Reply · Permalink

    thee -> bacon

    Revelation 3:16
    So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue bacon out of my mouth.

    Hebrews 2:12
    …in the midst of the church will I sing praise unto bacon.

    Philemon 1:7
    …the bowels of the saints are refreshed by bacon, brother.

  8. Written by Robert
    on September 17, 2009 at 8:19 am
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    When I was in Parochial High School, we used to do much the same thing with the hymn book but would add ” umder the bed coverts” the title of the hymn. ” how sweet is jesus under the
    bed covers”.

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