Tract #6: How Do You Annoy an Atheist?
Download tract #6, How Do You Annoy an Atheist? (PDF). See page #3 for printing instructions.
How Do You Annoy an Atheist?
If you’re a theist and you aren’t interested in intelligent discussion but just want to irritate a nearby atheist, here are a few phrases you might find useful. (Use as your own risk.)
- “You’re an atheist? But you seemed so nice.”
- “Atheism’s a religion.”
- “Sure I have faith, but so do you.”
- “If you really didn’t believe in God, you wouldn’t spend so much time talking about Him.”
- “I don’t have enough faith to be an atheist.”
- “Hitler, Stalin — all the big murderers were atheists.”
- “You don’t disbelieve in God, you reject Him. You know in your heart that God exists.”
- “You’re going to burn in Hell!”
- “You are being deceived by Satan!”
- “Aren’t you horribly depressed?”
- “What horrible thing happened in your childhood to make you like this?”
- “Why do you hate God?”
- “You just reject God so you can sin without guilt.”
- “If there’s no God, then where do you go when you die?”
- “If there’s no God, why not kill people for fun?”
- “NASA computers calculating the positions of the planets found a missing day, proving the Bible is true.”
- “Atheists are selfish. All the big charities are religious.”
- “Hundreds of people saw the risen Jesus. How much more proof could you need?”
- “If you’d just read the Bible, you’d believe.”
- “If you’d just read the Bible with an open heart, you’d believe.”
- “If you’d just read the Bible with an open heart and put aside your prejudices, you’d believe.”
- “You believe in air and you can’t see that.”
- “There are no atheists in foxholes.”
- “A big bang implies a big banger.”
- “You can’t prove it didn’t happen.”
- “If you don’t believe in God you don’t believe in money because it has ‘In God We Trust’ on it.”
- “While your daughter was at our house for the slumber party last night, we had all the girls baptized.”
- “Sorry to hear your mother died and is going to Hell.”
And while you’re at it:
- Give God credit for anything good someone did.
- Praise God for saving you when 200+ others died.
- Blame a huge natural disaster on the results of a recent election.
- Insist that the Bible is the word of God (but never actually read the whole thing).
- End a discussion by shaking your head in a condescending, pitying manner.