Tract #8: How Do You Annoy a Christian?
Download tract #8: How Do You Annoy a Christian? (PDF). See page #3 for printing instructions.
How Do You Annoy a Christian?
If you’re an atheist and you aren’t interested in intelligent discussion but just want to irritate a nearby Christian, we offer you a number of phrases to choose from. (Use as your own risk.)
- “Do you believe in the Easter Bunny, too?”
- “We’re all atheists. I just believe in one less god than you do.”
- “If God’s all good, why’d he make malaria?”
- “Where did Cain’s wife come from?”
- “Pi is 3. It’s in the Bible.”
- “God has breasts and wings. It’s in the Bible.”
- “The Bible says rabbits chew their cud and bats are birds. It’s in the Bible.”
- “Slavery’s okay. It’s in the Bible.”
- “Donkey’s sometimes talk. It’s in the Bible.”
- “If Methuselah was such a great guy, why did God let him die in Noah’s flood?”
- “What did Noah do with all the poo on the ark?”
- “If you walk at an average speed of three miles an hour and rest 18 hours every day, you can circle the globe in 40 years. That must have been one big desert!”
- “God would have had to stop the Earth to make the sun stand still in the sky, and if he did that momentum would throw everyone off the planet.”
- “So lobster’s an abomination but you can eat locusts?”
- “There’s a psalm blessing people who crush babies with rocks.”
- “You know that the end of Mark is a forgery, right?”
- “Jesus only had one human parent, so he would have been a clone of Mary.”
- “If Jesus is God, and God got Mary pregnant, then Jesus got his own mother pregnant.”
- “Why is Jesus such a jerk to his mom?”
- “Jesus hung around with a bunch of guys, never got married, and talked about his dad all the time. Are you sure he was against homosexuality?”
- “How did Jesus ride into Jerusalem on two animals at the same time? Was he an acrobat?”
- “If Sunday morning is three days after Friday night, then is tomorrow morning two days from now?”
- “If Jesus turned water into wine, then why is there still water?”
- “Jesus said that some of his contemporaries would still be alive when he returned. How’d that work out?”
- “Why don’t the Gospels agree about who found the empty tomb or what Jesus’ last words were? That seems kind of important.”
- “Have you given away all your stuff and abandoned your family like Jesus said to?”
- “Hitler thought he was doing God’s work, too.”
- “So, how about those Crusades?”
on August 22, 2012 at 5:41 pm
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True Christians aren’t easily annoyed. They know ignorant atheists when they hear them talking the uneducated smack you put in here.
on February 27, 2013 at 2:52 pm
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True Christians just don’t hear you. Say something to them that is even partly critical and their eyes glaze over, they get a hitch in their voice like a skipped record, and then they continue on from where they were before some brain lapse interrupted them.
If you think the phrases are “smack” how about trying to answer some of them.